i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
