your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
