At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
