Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
