How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
