You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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