When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
