cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
