i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We left the knife in your bed.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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