Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
