I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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