I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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