The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
