I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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