very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize