What did we do last night that was yellow?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize