Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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