I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
