Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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