you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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