I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
