K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Be still, my beating vagina.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
