I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize