well I can't set my house on fire every night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
