He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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