bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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