i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
