So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
