Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
