You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize