How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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