U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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