u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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