who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
im holly from the hills drunk
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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