I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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