Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
