my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
