Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
