Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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