Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
