I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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