remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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