i think my tv is drunk
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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