Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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