These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
