ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
