i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
