I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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