i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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