You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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