she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
