If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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