I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize