ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
