make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
