that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
