Who wears a wallet chain?!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
