you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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