Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
