and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
