if you like me you must not know who I am
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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