ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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