More tranny stories later!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
