NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
