I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
