I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
