I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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