I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
