totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
two words...techno handjob
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
