love makes seman taste better
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
