Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize