Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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