angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
foreskin is a definite game changer
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
