Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
