He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
