Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
