Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
