is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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