playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
