Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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