Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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