you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
