My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
