Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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