Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
