3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
