I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
